Dear Terrorists,
I hate you. Why can’t you stick to patterns? Do you have to change tactics all the time?
After more than a year of careful study and observation, we were that close to nailing the MO of you bastards when it came to a 26/11 type of situation. A few more years of focus on that, and we would have almost certainly been able to prevent a recurrence of such attacks – unless we had prior intelligence inputs, in which case things could get a little dodgy…
Anyway, just when I was feeling secure, you guys go all unpredictable and set off a bomb in a bakery. I mean, is that even fair? I agree with the honourable Home Minister. It was insidious. That’s essentially college-talk for “sneaky and treacherous”. Yep, it was sneaky. Imagine going into a crowded place and leaving a bag stuffed with explosives there. What a dirty, underhand thing to do. Well spotted, Mr. Home Minister. We’re with you on that one. How dare the terrorists not send a press release out in advance, giving the location and time of the blast?
And now we’re all stumped. What could you unreliable fanatics be up to next? How can we trust you now? Is that the way for any civilised person to behave? Here we are, in all our magnanimity, literally turning the other cheek. And you shaft us somewhere else.
Cut us some slack now, will you? We have you guys sneaking – insidiously – across the border in Kashmir and creating all kinds of mischief. Pakistan indulges in periodic sabre-rattling. China bullies us and gives us wedgies in the playgrounds of the North-East and Ladakh ever so often. These friggin’ Maoists are causing a ruckus in large parts of the country, blowing up stuff and killing people. And, to top it all, our own good citizens are hounding and attacking each other all over the place. Besides, there will be other films that we shall have to help release. And then there’s inflation. And Mamta Bannerjee. And the Bihar elections. How many things can we deal with? Mercy. Please!
But we’re not going to be cowed down. Apparently, we have something called “spirit” which keeps us going. Unkind people call it apathy, but let’s not split hair. The point is, we know you’re out there, but we’ll keep doing exactly what we have been doing all this while. Which is basically nothing. So there.
Our investigations into the bakery blast have led to a number of clues. For starters, some explosive was almost certainly used. Additionally, we can, as of now, be completely certain of the involvement of that diabolical “foreign hand” that has bedevilled us for decades. But we have finally identified it for sure. Thing, you might have escaped the Addams Family Mansion but you can’t escape us. You can hide but you can’t run. (Ha ha ha…..see, that’s the spirit I talked about earlier. Humour in adversity.) We know you’re hand-in-glove (He he heh) with the bad guys. But we’ll get you. Hell, we’ll even revoke your visa if you’re not careful. If you didn’t come in using a visa, boy, are you in trouble!
As for the rest of you, you have been warned. Don’t fuck with us. This is not the way to treat an emerging superpower, with the second highest rate of economic growth in the world. We demand to be treated with respect, with civility and deference. Do not force us to get nasty. If you do not cease and desist, we can unleash our deadliest weapon on you and then you’re screwed.
Death-by-press-conference is painful, I kid you not.
Indignantly,
The Quirky Indian
February 16, 2010 at 5:02 pm
the politician is right; the terrorist did not tell us about this in advance. in india you can say this and get away with it. spirit takes us all.
and let’s face it. it’s our fault. we had some intelligence input. so our men are to blame. we are to blame. it’s our fault we got bombed. let’s not blame anybody or anything else. we have a great neighbour.
February 16, 2010 at 6:36 pm
you missed global warming 😛
February 16, 2010 at 6:47 pm
he he… they think the aam aadmi wouldn’t really understand what insidious means 😆 On second thoughts, it isn’t really a laughing matter 😦
February 16, 2010 at 6:47 pm
yes… death by press conference is painful… VERY ! 😛
February 16, 2010 at 6:49 pm
The post would have been hilarious if the situation were not so serious…We’ll never learn and will continue with our meetings and committees and other such things till the end of the world and our diabolical neighbour will continue bombing us till we cease to exist…
February 16, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Who is the psychopath? The terrorist or the victim who survives and keeps forgetting????
………………….
Also, read Cleckley’s speculations on what was “really wrong” with these people. He comes very close to suggesting that they are human in every respect – but that they lack a soul. This lack of “soul quality” makes them very efficient “machines.” They can be brilliant, write scholarly works, imitate the words of emotion, but over time, it becomes clear that their words do not match their actions. They are the type of person who can claim that they are devastated by grief who then attend a party “to forget.” The problem is: they really DO forget.
http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopath.htm
………….had put this up on facebook on Friday..and on Saturday, KABOOM!!!
February 16, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Every time there is a terrorist attack, noone blame the terrorist. Media blames the intelligence and politicos. Strange. 🙂
February 16, 2010 at 9:21 pm
Sounds like such a helpless, hopeless situation.
February 16, 2010 at 10:08 pm
I belong to Pune and was at home when the blast happened. We got a call telling us to turn on the news channel. My reaction was ‘Dad, lets watch the end of the movie, cause its JUST another bomb and the teevee channels will be throwing up about that for the next 2 weeks”. Go Figure.
I wonder, given the frequency of blast, killings, infiltration etc in the country how the betting on human lives hasn’t become legal.
February 16, 2010 at 10:37 pm
Oh God, Quirky, if I knew you in person, I would just come over and give you a giant hug. This was one helluva post!
February 16, 2010 at 10:38 pm
Though, I thought your ‘ultimate weapon’ would be a silent satyagraha or ‘one cheek for the other’ sort of stuff. You surpassed all expectations.
February 17, 2010 at 12:40 am
I could not laugh at all. Just today I was thinking of tweeting about ‘foreign hand’. But didn’t, since there is foreign hand. And government inaction is certainly pathetic. And this Mao-ist insurgency and government’s way of dealing with it is scary. What’s worse, it is spreading. Your post reinforces all these fears.
February 17, 2010 at 4:20 pm
This was one of the best posts by you. It was part humor, part irony and most important, it struck a chord.
These lines in particular:
“Apparently, we have something called “spirit” which keeps us going. Unkind people call it apathy, but let’s not split hair.”
Am not sure, possibly you were sarcastic in saying that, but I remember myself being emotionally quite responsive to any occurrence or situation in my surroundings, India or even the world. But over time I realized the limitation of my sphere of influence. Even with best intentions and most intense struggle, hardly anything can be changed.
Getting emotional about all these things serves only as “distraction” from the day-to-day life and ends up making me lose my ‘focus’ over larger things. And someone else will get ahead of me in the ‘race’ called life – is the repeated realization laced in fear that I have.
So now I am extremely apathetic towards countless things in the society. Genesis of this apathy lies in 2 factors – the advantage it offers in remaining focused on this race and to escape this truth of being impotent in changing things. Hence, I had to earn my apathy.
I used to and still get many ideas, like the one you read in my post on ‘direct democracy’ and used to think of pursuing them with passion, but now they are just amateur intellectual indulgences akin to a hobby.
Whatever I discuss on my blog or others’ is hardly out of passion, but more for personal entertainment, albeit of more intellectual kind, but entertainment nevertheless.
So, “apathetic spirit” is only an oxypragmaticmoron! 😉
February 17, 2010 at 4:36 pm
This is vintage QI I say!!! Though it is not laughing matter but I was chuckling all the way!!!
The best was from our Honorable Minister Mr. Patil! He said “yes there was an intelligence failure”. Come on Man we never expected intelligence form you and this isn’t the first time he came up with that stmt. The fact that amazes me is how can he be so so so shameless!!!
February 17, 2010 at 7:08 pm
That was a classic QI post. I just wish this weren’t the reality. Is there any hope at all?
We have almost got used to it, haven’t we? If we don’t have a blast, we would wondering why and then assuming that our neighbours are busy with their internal issues?
February 17, 2010 at 7:13 pm
I had no problem with laughing along to this. Shows you how “spirited” (apathetic) I am. I live 500m from VT station, and was “spiritedly” following the carnage at VT station on TV when terrorists shot it up a year ago. I had also been travelling back home via local rail (although, it was the Western line) while the shootout was in progress.
Despite all the indignation, there isn’t much we can do to the “foreign hand”. Our only hope is for our intelligence agencies to start showing signs of competence and that won’t happen anytime soon.
February 19, 2010 at 12:04 pm
Hey QI,
What Chidambaram can do, Suresh Kalmadi can do better. Sample this – at the inauguration of CW Shooting championships event, our honourable IOA chief spake thus ” There would be some security lapse here and there but everybody would be safe”
Wowowowow!!!!! He actually said that! I recollect R R Patil’s press conference soon after 26 / 11 where he said “Bade bade shehron mein choti-choti baatein hoti rehti hain”.
Man, they must both have really long things, because they sure are screwing themselves royally.
February 19, 2010 at 10:27 pm
I like the first short paragraph of your letter the most.
The main failure of counter-terrorism is to fully comprehend the fact that just because someone has malicious intent doesn’t mean that he/she is not intelligent.
February 21, 2010 at 6:20 pm
you said it!!
February 21, 2010 at 10:30 pm
hats off to you Q.I! Am hooked reading your all your posts.
February 22, 2010 at 1:30 am
:(:(:(
February 23, 2010 at 8:33 pm
Absolutely nothing to say QI. You said it all.
Your black humor puts the point across like nothing else could have.
Brilliant.
February 25, 2010 at 10:37 am
hahaha read your blog after sometime! Good one, time and time again these politician guys hand us the most obvious statements (when they are not trying to instigate some other factions, that is).
February 28, 2010 at 12:18 pm
Sad but true…I hope all the sensible people out there are reading this!
March 2, 2010 at 12:52 pm
(oops! my bad! plz erase the previous :P)
Great blog Quirky Indian!
Now grab an “I Love You Blog” AWARD from me! 😀
http://addyrocks.blogspot.com/2010/03/i-would-like-to-thank.html
March 2, 2010 at 6:34 pm
The security apparatus has to succeed all the time, the terrorist, just once!
March 3, 2010 at 8:25 am
i love the way terrorists are divided into good and bad. But what i can never understand is to how to distinguish between them.
March 3, 2010 at 6:23 pm
@Kartikey: Please, don’t make fun of our spirit. It’s what keeps us going! And of course it is always our fault!
@Vishesh: Thank you! I thought I had forgotten something… When the planet is at stake, perspectives change!
@Rakesh: Aam aadmi has spirit! It makes everything OK.
@Dhiren: We can become THE superpower just by using that weapon! 🙂
@Bones: Are you criticising our accommodating and peaceful nature? 🙂
@Anita: Interesting link. Thanks. I guess we are the psychopaths here…we have stopped feeling, haven’t we?
@Xylene: Welcome. I agree with you, which is why I wrote this letter….these terrorists are, as we keep discovering, a bad lot. 🙂
@IHM: It really is….
@Satyajit: But that’s normal today…we are so used to bomb blasts, train accidents etc that it is hardly ‘news’ anymore. Nothing shocks us.
@Pal: Thank you! Always good to know that one’s writing resonates…
@Poonam: The situation is scary. And it is worse because we just seem to be wasting time, and the longer we wait, the more difficult it will be to correct things.
@Ketan: Thank you. And that’s a great oxymoron you have coined.
March 3, 2010 at 6:41 pm
@Smita: Thanks.
@Smitha: Thanks.
@Vegetable: I don’t think we are shocked by anything now…it’s a numbing of the senses, and that’s the scariest part of all this. And I don’t think we can expect any improvement.
@Anand: Suresh Kalmadi has outdone Patil here. He actually said that? Unbelievable!
@Anirban: Welcome and thanks. Yes, why do we assume that these guys have no intelligence, and will act the way we want them to?
@Gogol: Thanks.
@Jonah: Welcome and thanks.
@Vee: What to do? What to do?
@Indyeah: Thanks. Time for a looonnng post from you now…. 🙂
@Priyanka: Good to see you back. Thanks.
@Lilmermaid: Welcome and thanks.
@Addy: Welcome, and thanks for the award!
@Anil: Welcome, and thanks for the comment. Suppose I say I agree…that perhaps we are being too harsh, too impractical. So, should we hope instead that the security apparatus succeeds more than it does currently? Or should we hope that the terrorists succeed less? Going by the security establishment’s track record, we may be better off betting on the latter.
@Liju: Good ones are those that follow predictable patterns and allow themselves to be caught! 🙂
March 5, 2010 at 4:55 pm
A post that you might enjoy reading, and where your ‘creation’ has been credited:
http://ketanpanchal.blogspot.com/2010/03/spinning-yarns-to-make-undies-on-tv.html
March 6, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Hopefully, one day – all the bas….. will be nabbed. I like your posts.
October 4, 2010 at 2:49 am
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September 11, 2011 at 2:30 pm
The ‘spirit’ that keeps us walking.
Holy spirit of god, we all seem to be high on it.