Wǒ xiànzài zài xué Zhōngwén.
That basically means I am learning Mandarin. No, it’s not because I’m moving to Shanghai, or because I think Mandarin is someday going to rival English as a business language. It’s just that if I don’t switch to the Chinese ATP feed, from the English feed – with Brit commentators – we get in India, I’ll go off tennis forever.
What is it with these Brit commentators? I agree, Murray is a great player. But enough with the frigging hero-worship already. Sample this snippet from an imaginary Gonzalez-Roddick match (and it’s true of every other match today) :
Phil: ….and what an outstanding return of serve from Roddick…look at that angle! And Gonzo’s got to it with a spectacular forehand passing shot down the line. What a superb athlete he is…always making his opponent play the extra ball….
John: Yes, Phil. And you know who else can play so brilliantly?
Phil: Yes, John. Andy Murray. Such a sublime player. Such a complete player. And what a magnificent athlete he is. Truly a delight to watch.
John: Right you are, Phil. And a very thinking player as well. He reads the ball so well, Andy Murray does. I think we’re looking at a future Number 1…
Phil: Indeed, John. And dare I say it….the Wimbledon champion this year?
John: He does have what it takes….
During this time, Gonzo’s smashed rackets (twice), a streaker has run out on court (once) and Roddick has had a shouting match with the umpire over a disputed line-call (again)……but those damned Brit commentators are still going on about Murray!
Phil: Yes, I think Murray could even win the US open….
And so on….it’s enough to make me want to throw up. I thought it was the Indians who desperately look for heroes, especially in the realm of sports…..seems the Brits aren’t far behind. They’ve also done this in Formula 1, all of last year, when Golden Arse Hamilton could do no wrong. This year, thankfully, like water, Hammy Boy’s found his level and so we get to hear a lot less about him. It helps that the commentators have actually found a likeable Brit who’s winning, and have shifted allegiance en masse! So now, instead of breathless paeans to Hamilton, we have orgasmic odes to Jenson Button.
Not only do the Brits seem desperate for sports heroes, it’s almost as if they’ve learnt the Art of Irrelevant Commentary from what Hindi cricket commentary used to be, even during TV’s early days: “jee hahn, darshakon mein bahut hi harsho-ulhas, kaphi sankhya main yahan darshak moujood, outfield kaphi hara-bhara hain, match bahut hi romanchak sthithi main…… AUR YE OUT!……”.
Quickly followed by a commercial break.
Huh? Out? Who? What? How?
Quite clearly, Mandarin is the way to go!
June 16, 2009 at 5:36 pm
I definitely agree that tennis coverage has gone downhill of late, even here in the U.S.
June 16, 2009 at 7:04 pm
I stick to text commentary online 😛
June 16, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Heh. This reminds me of the commentators we had here in the US during the last (well, every) FIFA World Cup. Almost all Americans, almost all certain that the US would have a fine showing, since we were ranked so highly (completely ignoring how those ranks are calculated). I started considering getting a feed from an English station just so I could hear some decent commentary.
June 16, 2009 at 7:30 pm
two consecutive posts on tennis – I should start reading mandarin blogs I guess 😛
June 16, 2009 at 7:36 pm
I think its true of most games shown on TV these days, most typical being Cricket. Every shot is ‘Magnificent’, every batsman is ‘Phenomenal’.
June 16, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Haven’t we modeled our society over Brits??? 😀
Commentary!!! Less said the better, that day I was so irritated with them that I muttered out “can they not be silent for some time?”
June 16, 2009 at 10:05 pm
haha…love the cricket commentary bit!
As for British tennis, i am reminded of Tim Henman. They had such high hopes of him…
June 16, 2009 at 10:48 pm
Good Luck to Mandarin.
June 17, 2009 at 12:10 am
hmm..two posts on tennis 🙂
What do I write?
*sigh* waiting for the day when QI will write on non-tennis issues 😀
About Commentary?less said the better ..
the Hindi commentary was bang on btw ..
you a big fan ?;)
QI cringes 😀
June 17, 2009 at 12:11 am
English, Mandarin, Hindi – if it’s sports it’s all Greek to me!
June 17, 2009 at 3:19 am
I miss Cricket commentary esp. Charu Sharma’s (?) . It used to be so dramatic.
June 17, 2009 at 6:22 am
Ah, the British. At one point of time, they anointed Flintoff as the successor to Ian Botham. With his off now, on now performance, Flintoff has spent most of the time either drinking beer or on the hospital bed than playing cricket.
June 17, 2009 at 9:54 am
😆
June 17, 2009 at 11:13 am
That was funny! I got all excited that you were learning mandarin, cause I have learned it a little and want to resume my mandarin studies…
😦
June 17, 2009 at 3:29 pm
😆 I have come to prefer to keep the TV on mute to hearing the commentary 🙂
June 17, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Out?…. Who, How…? U bet,.. those used to be some commentaries..
June 17, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Heh
However things are likely to get worse once the Chinese begin dominating Tennis like they do the Olympics. From what I hear, hyper seems inadequate to refer to them.
Then Esperanto?
Prasanth
June 19, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@Davis: Thanks for the comment. It does seem like that’s the case…..
@Che: Smart boy!
@Gori Girl: Welcome to my blog and thanks for the comment. It seems to be a common problem, across sports and countries….so I guess Mandarin ain’t gonna help. 🙂
@Rakesh: Hmmmmmm…..or Arabic! 🙂
@Rahul: But why is it so bad? There’s allegedly a better lot in the commentary boxes now, so why is it so bad?
@Smita: Keeping your TV on mute seems to be a good option…..
@AD: Let’s see how Murray does….crowd support can do wonders…that’s how he beat Gasquet last year. Finally the Brits might have their man….
@Mampi: Ha ha….well said! 🙂
@Indyeah: You and Rakesh seem to think alike…. And no, I’m not a big fan….so I did cringe! 🙂
June 19, 2009 at 1:12 pm
@D: Seriously? No sport at all? Ah well… 🙂
@Solilo: Cricket commentary is still brilliant!
@Liju: Let’s see if they have made a similar mistake in this case as well. 🙂
@Sakhi: Thanks. 🙂
@Priyanka: You’re learning Mandarin? Wow. So what you take it up?
@Smitha: That is the smart thing to do these days….. 🙂
@Vee: Purani yaadein…..!!
@Prasanth: Mandarin doesn’t seem to be a viable long-term plan. Esperanto seems to be an attractive option….. 🙂
June 19, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Good post If no Britishers are playing their commentary is good Your post reminded me of those epic Wimbledon finals between Borg and Macnroe before Live TV era Then it was good