Inception was a movie that I was really looking forward to. Christopher Nolan, DiCaprio, Ken Watanabe – how could it go wrong? The Matrix references only added to my excitement.
Turns out, it’s a good film. But it’s not a great film. Perhaps I have been let down by my expectations. I have watched every film but one of Nolan’s and, while hard-pressed to point out his best, believe that this particular film is not it. It’s a very novel concept, it’s been well executed, but there’s nothing like the kick in the gut one got when one watched The Matrix. One has to admit, though, that The Matrix is a tough act to follow. Even the Wachowskis could never attain the same heights again….they never even came close.
The best thing about Inception is the idea – it’s unique, and it’s clearly been thought through. Nolan has also kept it taut, even if it runs for almost two and a half hours. It’s a good-looking film, well shot, with competent acting, and is definitely worth a watch. I just wish I could better explain this feeling – of something missing – that persisted with me long after the end of the film.
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Now to other matters. Two sets of friends are in the middle of divorces. And it just made me realise that men are very often victims as well. In one case, the wife carried on with another man for a long time, and decided to end the marriage. Ok, that happens. You find someone else and decide to move on. The husband, who had no idea, was shocked. But they decided to keep it amicable and civil, and he’s now trying to pick up the pieces of his life.
It’s the divorce of the other couple that has really disturbed me. Wonderful people, both the husband and the wife. I’ve known them for years. They decided to separate, and also figured on doing it amicably and civilly. Things were proceeding well. And suddenly, the husband was threatened with allegations of harassment and torture, and is now being arm-twisted to part with more than he should. And frankly, he was already being more than fair in the settlement. Anyone who knows the couple knows that there is not an iota of truth in those allegations. But the law, when it comes to allegations of this sort, is skewed in favour of the woman, and the man, if he decides to call the bluff here, is in for the long haul – FIR, possible arrest, harassment and possible arrest of his parents, and a long and sapping court battle. With his father having undergone a complicated bypass procedure a few months ago, he is anxious to end this with minimum fuss. Which means giving in to the wife’s extortion.
Most of us who know them are aghast, more so because the wife is also a warm and caring person. At least, she used to be. But greed can, I suppose, make people do strange things.
The unfairness of the law galls me. But it also struck me that this was part of a larger Indian phenomenon – the tendency to cover incompetence and shortcoming in implementation by making tougher laws. So, if women are being harassed and intimidated at home, instead of ensuring that the police investigate such complaints promptly and efficiently, with some degree of competence, we take the short-cut of enacting a tougher law. And as much as domestic violence targeted against women is a sad fact, it is equally true that there are many women who exploit and misuse this law to screw over their husbands.
And we don’t restrict it to that, do we? No. Terror laws, for example. The police can’t competently handle things here as well, so make it easier to pick up people and lock them up for long periods without judicial redress.
In both cases, we have tougher laws – unfair laws, in my opinion – that actually absolve the investigating authorities of the need for any competence and expertise, and instead hand our men in khaki yet another source of income.
It’s shameful – and ironic – how we keep snipping away at the thin sheets of liberty that our constitution gives us, handing over more and more power and control to an already predatory state.
And, as with my friend, it’s always the innocent who bear the brunt.
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Did I forget to mention that it’s good to be back?
July 20, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Yes, the law is totally in favor of the woman, and women are known to misuse it. Your friend should have taken a leaf out of my ex’s book. Gone abroad and have himself declared absconding. It worked wonderfully for him.
Glad you’re back
July 20, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Didn’t read the bit about inception since I have yet to see it.
But yes, even I thought that the law is horribly skewed in favor of women. I used to wonder, what happens to innocent men. But I hadn’t seen many cases where women harrassed men. I guess it is very easy for women to screw the guy.
We’ve to be scared now 🙂 Btw, do you know something – If both, the husband and wife are earning, does the husband still have to pay a monthly maintenance to the wife after divorce?
July 24, 2010 at 10:55 am
Rakesh I know that if the wife is working and the husband is not then she has to give him alimony.
July 20, 2010 at 5:42 pm
Yup, I agree with you on most counts. Not the inception part, haven’t seen it yet. But yes, the law does seem to have a tendency to try and fix fractures with band aids.
July 20, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Certainly is good to have you back, Quirky!! As for Inception, everybody I know has seen it over the last weekend, and has been raving about it. So I want to see it too. But then, if its anything like Matrix, then I bet I wont have a clue as to what’s happening on screen!! Still, I can watch it for Di Caprio 😉
Reg. the divorce thst you mentioned – the second case – a close friend of mine is in exactly the same situation. He’s an angel, wouldn’t dream of hurting a fly. His wife seemed to be really warm and friendly. All of a sudden, she leaves home, and files a case against him for ill-treating and harassing her!!
In such cases, I strongly believe the wives are being misled by their family/friends. Otherwise, nobody in their clear senses would want to do such a mean thing. If only they could open their eyes and heart, and do what is RIGHT, rather than what is most BENEFICIAL, they would really have an amicable settlement. Otherwise, its just a mess, isn’t it? And we know how difficult it is to piece Life back together!!
July 20, 2010 at 10:25 pm
ha! welcome back 😀
Law is always stupid.
July 21, 2010 at 12:23 am
The divorce issue is similar in America. It is often skewed in favor of the woman. I think it goes back old stereotypes that women are docile and nice and kind and always being taken advantage of and men are powerful and selfish. It’s not fair at all.
I would also guess that the woman is being talked into this by someone. Either family and friends or her lawyer. Someone is convincing her that she suffered and deserves to treat him terribly.
These situations make me so sad.
July 21, 2010 at 9:51 am
Quirky Indian, It seems to me that your friend’s wife may be pushed by her lawyer or relatives. It’s true, there are many instances of women abusing legal biases in their favour. But more instances of men getting away with murder as far as harassment and double dealing are concerned. The truth is that if a husband choses not to pay alimony or maintenance, even if he has been ordered to do so by court, given our system, it becomes a nightmare to get him to pay up.
July 21, 2010 at 4:36 pm
Nolan is one of finest. His Memento and Dark Knight were top-notch. So, Inception ain’t that good aah? Hmm, Couple of my friends saw and said they need second viewing to totally get it..
Sad is the state of humans and sad are their behaviors.
If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters. ~Alan Simpson
July 22, 2010 at 5:28 pm
A wonder line from Ayn Rand comes to mind: “There is no way to rule innocent men The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough criminals one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Who wants a nation of law-abiding citizens? What’s there in that for anyone? But just pass the kind of laws that can neither be observed nor enforced or objectively interpreted and you create a nation of law-breakers and then you cash in on guilt. Now that’s the system, Mr. Reardon, that’s the game, and once you understand it, you’ll be much easier to deal with.”
July 23, 2010 at 9:41 am
It’s good to see you back. Plan to watch Inception tomorrow.
About DVA I agree with Banno above.
I think the police and lawyers use every law to make money.
I blogged about how the police in Pune, refused to take my maid’s complain seriously and asked her to bring her mother in law and husband with her. She had been thrown out of her house. How could she possibly bring those she was complaining against to the police station? It seems the husband had paid some ‘fine’ to the police, so she got a firing and was sent back.
July 24, 2010 at 12:37 am
Hi, Quirky Indian!
I read the review of Inception, and as I have not watched many Hollywood movies, couldn’t quite relate to it, though perhaps if you recommend it so strongly (and Stupidosaur [click] had strongly recommended Matrix trilogy), I believe it must be good.
But by the time I reached the part you dealt with divorce, I could sense you were very disturbed by the occurrence, and that shocked me as you don’t tend to reveal your emotions much through your blog posts. 🙂
Towards the end I felt your analysis was part intellectualization (click) as a defense against the shock of what happened with your friend(s).
Anyway, quite removed from the what you meant to discuss, I was uncomfortable to see so many people blame the lawyer or the relatives for lady’s sudden change in behavior? Why is it so difficult to accept that a person, by one’s own volition is perfectly capable of being mean? Is that because others are relying on second-hand (your) testimony that she seemed to be warm and caring? How much mental effort does it take to understand that to harass someone the way the lady in question is doing is wrong? Or is it a case that people find it difficult to acknowledge that a young, educated and (perhaps) well-to-do woman could act unethically?
I also suspect, part of the reason you got disturbed much (provided I’m correct in guessing that you were) by these events could be your realization that you judged the nature of a person and the strengths of two relationships incorrectly despite having been close to them (again, a guess 🙂 ).
This (click) is a blog post by a person whose intelligence, sincerity and honesty I respect a lot. But when reading that blog post, I’d felt he was being too harsh and biased against urbane women, or that maybe just using very few cases to draw wide-sweeping conclusions.
But reading your post I eerily realized, he was right!
Harmanjit had cited many such instances here (click) of law being biased against men. IPC sections 497 and 498 are a class of their own, though.
I also wonder sometimes that these legal and other concessions (like reserving seats for women in BEST buses) extended to women, paradoxically reinforce the concept that women are the weaker gender who need special concessions? I could honestly never understand the point in reserving seats for women, except for if they would be gestating at that time. But given the fraction of seats reserved by the authorities in BEST buses, I shudder to think what is their ‘target’ fertility rate for India! 😉
I’m a great fan of Ayn Rand’s writing (I know I’m being repeting!), and initially while reading Kaushal‘s above comment, I felt like ‘what this lady was ranting!’, but by the time I ended reading it (though actually yet again, as I’ve read Atlas shrugged), I again got ‘re-fanned’! 😉
Yes, you were missed. And welcome back!
PS: I realize, I’ve got quite personal in this comment, which is quite in contrast with how you blog and comment; if you find the tone/content here inappropriate, you may not publish it. It is a tough choice between expressing myself frankly and trying to remain ‘appropriate’. I choose the former, otherwise what’s the point in commenting? Also, when I pointed out issues like emotional struggle (“intellectualization”) and judging someone incorrectly, I do so with complete empathy and awareness that I have had my moments of insecurity & other kinds of weaknesses, and would have them in future too. So there is no condescension therein, if it seems like there is. Thanks!
July 25, 2010 at 11:23 am
The laws are in favour of the women in almost all developed countries (not the middle east ones). We are just following suit.
The Women’s Charter is blamed to be the biggest cause of divorces in Singapore. Cos it allows the woman to suck the man dry.
July 26, 2010 at 7:37 pm
Don’t care for inception, but you’re right about the divorce laws. There is plenty of scope for abuse against the husband there. Sadly, I’m not optimistic about reform on the matter, because for some reason few in power see that potential for abuse as a bad thing.
July 27, 2010 at 10:37 am
The are two sides to every argument. Women who misuse the law will have it come back to them through karma. The very fact there is law to help women in bad situations speaks volumes. So many people find a better life owing to this. While innocent men caught in the cross-fire do have my sympathies, I’m still glad that such a law exists, for there are too many women out there who can find happiness with this law.
July 29, 2010 at 4:34 pm
@Ritu: My friend never had any intention of not playing fair….so the idea of absconding never occured to him. I wish this suggestion had come up earlier!
@Rakesh: I think there are many cases today of women misusing this provision….
Did you finally watch Inception?
@Dreamer: Look who’s finally surfaced! “Fractures with band aids” – well said. Did you watch Inception?
@Pal: Inception is definitely worth a watch. As for the story of your friend, it’s not an isolated case. I have since heard of a few more cases where women used such tactics. It’s difficult to say how much a person can be influenced by others, to the extent of doing something so seemingly out of character.
@Vishesh: Thanks. Read your Inception review. Nice.
@Aamba: Welcome here, and thanks for the comment. Yes, I suppose it goes back to the old stereotypes. But it is also true that women have also been at the receiving end very often. My point is that creating a law that just makes it easier to screw over innocent men is not the way to solve the problem of violence against women in the home. Two wrongs, as the cliché goes, do not make a right.
@Banno: You make some valid points. But all I want to say is this: just because some guilty men get away with it does not make it OK that an innocent man is harassed. Goes against every principle of justice.
@Vee: Yes, Nolan is one the best. But this film is not one of his best. But you should definitely watch it. And I love that line you have quoted!
July 29, 2010 at 5:00 pm
@IHM: Please see my reply to Banno. I think it is difficult for many women to be objective about this point, but let me ask you this: is it OK that because guilty men get away, it makes sense to have a law that is also used to harass innocent men? And if that is OK, then do you also justify, for example, profiling based on religion/race/ideology and subsequent detention? Do you support the claims of the police that because so many terrorists get away, it is better to spread the net wide and arrest any likely suspect based on nothing but that person’s religion/race/ideology? Because there’s no difference between the two cases. Just add gender to the list. In both cases, instead of fixing the problem, which is an incompetent police force and judiciary, we create laws that give more power to the police and the government to extort money and generally harass the people.
Did you like Inception?
@Ketan: You’re right, it’s difficult to say to what extent an individual can be influenced by another. Who knows what a person really is until a situation like this? And, as I have said, while it is true that many women are harassed in such cases, it is also true that many innocent men are also victims when women misuse the law. The problem is that we seem to be content with short-cuts, happy to brush things under the carpet, without solving the real problem.
@Liju: Hmmm. It seems to be a universal condition!
@Vegetable: You’re right. In fact, those in power want power only because of this potential to abuse. It is a truth reflected in every aspect of Indian public life.
@Kavita: I know that you write from personal experience, having been a victim yourself. My point was not to deny that there are many women who suffer at the hands of men every day; rather, my point was that there is a growing incidence of innocent men suffering, and any law that is OK with some innocent suffering because many guilty would otherwise get away, does not serve the cause of justice.
And just as a battered woman would derive little comfort from knowing that karma would eventually catch up with her tormentor, I don’t think the concept of karmic justice would make an innocent man feel better.
July 29, 2010 at 8:45 pm
Yup I did watch Inception. I found it amazing. But I understand what you mean when you say something was missing. Somehow, my brother had the same feeling. But I think that was because, the concept and the story was fully rounded without many loose ends that you could stop or things that would keep you wondering… In that sense, all questions seemed answered by the end of the movie and so that feeling of intrigue that developed during the movie got satiated by the end to an extent which, I guess left a few of you unhappy. I guess, you would’ve preferred more open threads. For instance, the climax where we don’t really know whether the Totum fell or not.
I loved it… Awesome concept and brilliantly thought out. But again on the mindfcuk quotient, I loved Shutter Island equally well.
August 4, 2010 at 5:47 pm
i think now there should be a gender neutral domestic abuse law.
fact is ofcos that more women than men are harassed on day to day basis, but then no one said minority needs to suffer because they are fewer in number.
at the same time, you never really KNOW a person QI. i have seen gentlest of souls have it in them to be monstrous on occasion. whether they were provoked to it or no is a different issue altogether!
i hope things look up for both your friends!
as for Inception i LOVED it. while i didnt “get” Matrix, this was MUCH easier to understand even in first watch! it may not have been as brilliant as Nolan’s other works, but it was a fun and lets just say a Dhaansu watch! 🙂
cheers!
September 1, 2010 at 6:56 pm
That is terrible about the woman spewing false accusations. My brother went through the same thing, after the fact that we all live abroad and do not believe in Dowry.
We never asked for any and my brother is too proud to even take any. The wife accused him of dowry harrasment and I was so shocked. When I confronted her about it in a nice way about why would you lie about something like that? Her answer,”you have to have some basis for a case and her lawyer suggested this.” Really? I mean No really? are we all that stupid?
November 8, 2010 at 10:36 pm
A preliminary look into the casebook at the nearest police station would show you, more than 50% of the dowry harassment cases enquired into were false claims and arm twisting by women.