The media in India are so busy with politics that there has been no coverage of some really important news.
For example, how many of you are aware of this revolutionary scientific study that claims to have solved a problem plaguing humankind since the dawn of civilisation? No, it’s not about hunger, disease, mortality or global warming. We finally know the secret behind navel lint! If this isn’t a path-breaking study that genuinely expands the frontiers of human knowledge, I don’t know what is. If only someone could now solve the mystery behind lost and mismatched socks, the pinnacle of human achievement will have been reached.
*
After a schoolboy was arrested for farting in class last November, Florida continues its crusade against teenage gas. Here’s the story: A boy allegedly farted on a school bus. His schoolmates laughed. The bus driver complained. School officials then issued a suspension order, prohibiting the boy from using the school bus for three days. The boy’s father termed the decision harsh and excessive.
I think the kids should have been sent to Gitmo. If India can invoke the NSA for some verbal farting, surely, in the US, the real thing should attract the severest punishment? And besides, how dumb were these boys? Didn’t they realise that in the land of the free, the home of the brave, there’s no place for the flatulent? Duh!
The Quirky Indian 
April 2, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I didn’t know about either of them 😛
April 2, 2009 at 6:38 pm
Finally! I always wondered about the navel lint!
Now if only I can get funding maybe I will find answer to the chicken and egg problem too and save the world!
April 2, 2009 at 6:58 pm
I grew up in Florida and I know what those people are like. I wish it were funny but it’s not.
April 2, 2009 at 7:26 pm
ha ha ha…..
Trust you to link the farting thing with Indian politics…
I have been wanting to write on the present poltical scenario but then gave up…too many things to comment on & too less a time ;-)With their antics these jokers can keep us bloggers busy for next 6 months 😀
April 2, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Thanks, needed to smile today!
April 2, 2009 at 8:36 pm
the editorials at some if not most of the channels is non-existent. for long i thought it is only the fiction, non-fiction and marketing teams of general entertainment channels that are worried sick about the TRP’s but no…in election time it is Arnab, Barkha and gang…and i thought fox news was the pits
time for some manufacturing consent.
April 2, 2009 at 9:37 pm
LOL dude….. your “detached” sense of humour is just fantastic….. 🙂
loved this article…. yes indeed, if NSA can be slapped on for verbal farting, so can the americans….. 🙂
April 2, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Varun Gandhi can fart through his mouth, eh ? 😀 I can only manage to burp . 😦
April 3, 2009 at 1:01 am
Haha nice one!
If he were Indian, his career would be set in the Ministry of Natural Gas!
Cheers,
Siddharth.
[A new political party is launched, and is looking for your support http://bigotblog.wordpress.com/2009/03/31/new-political-party-launch/%5D
April 3, 2009 at 3:13 am
Quirkiness personified post. Ha..ha..ha..
April 3, 2009 at 3:56 am
Hi QI –
I have no idea where you get your news stories, but they sure are hilarious. Keep ’em coming and definitely keep adding your take on them!
April 3, 2009 at 9:10 am
Verbal farting of this kind needs to be nipped in the bud, one has been checked (for now) but there are others who deserve the same.
April 3, 2009 at 9:39 am
Funny to read abt navel research. Interesting the way you equated Varun’s speech to farting. Was wondering what will be the reaction if NSA was not invoked if a minority leader made a similar speech.
April 3, 2009 at 10:16 am
This post is on April 2, so I will believe you :), was expecting something on April 1 too.
The School Kid, passing gas I knew about, I mean read about. This news was ironically funny.
Didn’t know about the navel research, off to rad that now.
April 3, 2009 at 1:29 pm
@Vishesh: Thank you for proving my hypothesis! 🙂
@Che: Or should I call you “SuperChe”? This saving the world business seems to be a laudable habit of yours. 🙂
@Davis: Welcome and thanks for the comment. Laughter is the only cure!
@Smita: 6 months? 6 saal bhi kam padenge!
@Anita: Sorry to read about your grandmother.
@Astralwicks: The news guys are the worst….because a lot of people take them seriously. It’s scary.
@Ajit: Thank you, my friend. 🙂
April 3, 2009 at 1:44 pm
@Kislay: That’s why we are ordinary citizens. Wo karne aata to main bhi neta hota!
@Siddharth: Thanks for the comment. You’d be surprised at the number of over-qualified contenders for that ministry! 🙂
@Solilo: 🙂 Thanks!
@Liam: Hey Liam. How’re things? Thanks for the words of appreciation. 🙂
@IHM: We’ve already had this discussion offline. Nipping in the bud is one thing. Misusing a law is another. I was making a point about the NSA. Nothing in this case warranted the use of the NSA. Political opposition and dissenting ideologies, however reprehensible, should not attract laws like the NSA. That is a dangerous thing. Please also see my response to Charakan.
@Charakan : My stand is very consistent. I do not like draconian laws. One, because they don’t really address the problem. Two, the state can’t be trusted with too much power, and such laws are prone to misuse. And that is exactly what has happened in this case – there was no reason to invoke the NSA. He has been charged under various other sections. Prosecute him. The courts will decide. What he said simply does not warrant the NSA – any more than the alleged ‘inducement to hate’ of D Ajith, for example. So majority or minority, my stand on both will be the same.
Your comment, however, reinforces a real concern I have, something I last mentioned on Indyeah’s blog. My opposition to the use of the NSA in this case, unfortunately, attracts labels of “Hindu bigot”. Ironically, my opposition to the Mangalore incident, or even to the movement that seeks to deny Kasab legal aid also lays me open to charges of “corrupt liberalism” and “unpatriotism”. Indians just cannot debate these issues rationally and logically. They have to see everything as either black or white. That is a very myopic outlook, one which will ensure all civil rights and liberties disappear from this country very soon!
@Chirag: Why April 1? This is a very serious post, dude. Cutting edge scientific research, and evidence of how the world’s two greatest democracies think alike!
April 3, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Recession, Election,’change’…come what may but two things will go on. ‘Science and quirky journalism 🙂
Cheers
Prasanth
April 3, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Sorry abt comment..was from a friend’s id.
Prasanth
April 3, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I do agree Quirky Indian that NSA should not have been used. I think laws that further empower the already all-powerful government like NSA should not even exist.
April 3, 2009 at 2:32 pm
read the post yesterday commenting now..dont ask WP and a long story 😦
uff WP is a maze!
Great post as always! and yeah mush as I despise VG and his verbal diarrhoea , I have to say that NSA cannot be misused ….This wills et a dangerous precedent..
Imagine this is wthe woman we want to have as PM!
ofcourse I am sure all other netas might have done the same as well…but behenji is in a league of her own….dictatorial tendencies I tell you…
and her caste or how she looks and dresses has nothing to do with it..I couldnt care less if she looks like a chimp tmrw
if only she had some brains and some logic and some notion of democracy
April 3, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Oh Quirky Indian, Only you could have done this post! And s1uch a subtle one on verbal farting – indeed! Fantastic! As for the NSA on Varun, was probably taking it too far.. Now we know how to use the NSA!
April 3, 2009 at 4:28 pm
ROTFL!
April 3, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Fascinating!!! What else do I say to this.. 😉
but 503 fluffs from his own navel, now that’s interesting..
April 3, 2009 at 9:28 pm
I am with you. I am quite sure aliens steal my son’s socks undies and banyans. I just cant figure out where they vanish.
Now dont go around giving americans the impression that farters are welcome in India. We dont want them migrating here.
April 3, 2009 at 10:02 pm
One of the sickest lines coutesy college mates ( male ofcourse) – why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?
ewwww!!!!
April 4, 2009 at 1:35 am
Oh oh oh Did I accuse you of anything?
I was just imagining if what Varun said was said by a Muslim leader against Hindus and if NSA was not invoked and he was set free giving bail.What would have been the reaction in the media,blogs etc…Not about your stand.I know you have a consistent stand against draconian laws. So do not worry about that.I apologise if you felt hurt.When I read my comment again I feel guilty.So a thousand apologies.
Actually the main point I wanted to say was in the second line of my comment.You equated Varun’s speech to verbal farting.Farting produces bad smell for some time[my patients suffers some times in my presence]but is not at all harmful.That really troubled me. Was Varun’s speech harmless?
Now abt NSA.I do not like NSA and support your reasons for opposing it fully,whether it is Varun or Madhani.
April 4, 2009 at 1:36 am
May be I should add that farting produce sound and smell but is harmless
April 4, 2009 at 11:07 am
Oh come on…the poor kid was just ‘freeing’ the trapped gas!
Besides, sending the kid to Guantanamo might not have been punishment enough. Ms Universe reportedly found it a fun place.
April 4, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Goddd, I’ve to be careful now, did they also discover how to hold your fart in??? That would be something! Or maybe a gas chamber in ur pants to collect ur farts… he he
Btw, about NSA, I’m not sure… I mean, should we have waited till the riots actually broke out and a few lives were lost before invoking the NSA. Anyways, I’m not sure what are the circumstances under which NSA should be applied. Seems that the court has asked the UP govt. to explain why did they do it. So law is actually taking its course.
I don’t think anybody except the BJP is complaining. We certainly don’t need verbal farts and that too with such lethal smell.
April 4, 2009 at 12:52 pm
And on the belly button fluff, I had written a post on it long back…
I have to fish it out I guess…
April 4, 2009 at 2:25 pm
First time here from Rakesh’
Please please… tell that scientist he cannot claim to have researched it…
I bloody well knew it… only if i have the wherewithal of announcing this… and yes the indian media.. idiots wouldnt report my research.. !!! the foren media is so nice… !!!
lol…. your on my blog roll !!!
April 4, 2009 at 6:39 pm
I am so proud about the progress made by human beings for the profit of humanity…
Ah… the Hair Discovery…
And beside: “A body piercing can also be used, with belly button rings particularly effective at sweeping away fibres before they lodge”… Amazing!
Navel lint…
The walk on the moon can’t compete!
QI, you are my hero.
Without you, I would miss that.
Concerning the fart stuff…
Why am I not surprised by American?
I believe that maybe they misunderstood the “evolution concept”.
It is supposed to mean “go beyond”, not “go back”.
😉
As usual QI, good post!
April 5, 2009 at 10:29 am
Here in the U.S., we disallow flatulence because it confuses the populace. With the media devoting precious resources to covering what Michelle Obama wears, Republicans trying their damnedest to sabotage our country in the hope of electoral victories in 2010 and 2012, and Democrats arguing over just how much we should balloon our deficits, we can only handle so many sources of foul-smelling emissions.
If allow the real anuses to spout off, we won’t be able to differentiate between them and the metaphorical ones who run our country and press corp.
April 5, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Isn’t farting a compliment to the chef in India?
April 6, 2009 at 12:03 pm
JULMI duniya.
April 6, 2009 at 4:19 pm
i am NOT gonna click on that link and find out WHAT the heck is navel lint! geez!
seriously? for farting?! sheesh!
April 6, 2009 at 7:10 pm
funny post! my friends dad has a curious case of naval lint!
April 7, 2009 at 12:12 pm
@Prasanth: Good to see you back. Isn’t it great that some things never seem to change? 🙂
@IHM: I am glad you agree. It is a matter of concern to me that so many people seem to think it is OK for the state to misuse laws in certain cases. Or the fact that so many feel that Kasab does not deserve adequate legal representation and a fair trial.
@Indyeah: Does anyone have any notions of democracy in this country? Including all of us bloggers, who feel that a violation of civil principles should be answered by a similar violation by the state?
@Smitha: Thank you… 🙂
@Preetischronicle: 🙂
@Vee: It’s research that has the potential to change a lot of lives…it has already changed Rakesh’s life! 🙂
@Ava: Where socks go is still a mystery! 🙂
@Anita: But doesn’t that line make a lot of sense? 🙂
@Charakan: Thanks for the clarification. You’d be surprised at some abusive comments I received for this post, for my post on the Statesman fiasco, or even the one where I said war with Pakistan was not an option. As I said, people seem to think only in terms of black and white. Detaining someone under a draconian act for a dissenting political ideology, however hateful or evil, is not a healthy sign. If it can be done so easily to a political figure, can you imagine the extent of possible misuse when it comes to ordinary citizens?
@Amreekandesi: You know, wasn’t that woman from Venezuela? Given what’s happening in Venezuela right now, I’m sure Gitmo seemed like paradise!
April 7, 2009 at 12:31 pm
@Rakesh: I salute your scientific spirit and am glad your query has finally been resolved! 🙂
I have serious reservations about the applicability of the NSA in this case. Detaining anyone for a year without bail is a shameful provision that should not exist in any democratic society. To enforce this provision in a case of dissenting political ideologies, however hateful or evil, is not a healthy sign for democracy. If it can happen to a politician, can you imagine the scope for misuse when it comes to ordinary citizens? Such precedents are not good. He was prosecuted under certain sections of the IPC….they should have allowed that case to come to a logical conclusion….even fast-tracked it if need be. Here’s an interesting link, btw. It has not really been carried anywhere else. Not surprising. http://www.mumbaimirror.com/index.aspx?page=article§id=3&contentid=2009040720090407022830311865295c9
@Hitchwriter: Welcome, and thanks for the comment. Honoured to be on your blog-roll. 🙂 I think you and Rakesh have not got the recognition you deserve. The media have been unjust!
@fvarga: 🙂 You’re right, the moon-landing was nothing in comparison to this monumental discovery! Thanks for the encouragement!
@Dailywit: I must remind you that when it comes to metaphorical flatulence – in politics and the media – no one can beat India. Please don’t think the US can just waltz in and become Prom Queen! 🙂
@Desiderata: Not only is it a compliment to the chef, it is, along with burping, a fundamental mode of Indian expression.
@Manpreet: 🙂
@Abha: Come on now, where’s your scientific curiosity? 🙂
@Priyanka: He could rent out his navel for some more research! 🙂
April 7, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Quirky, you did not answer my question. Was Varun’s speech as harmless as farting? I really want to know ur opinion on that.
April 7, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Lovely! You tied the two together so beautifully. Always look forward to your delectable posts!!
-http://writerzblock.wordpress.com/
April 7, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Nice one QI! True that. These days the solution to a little fart can be as harsh as NSA or Gitmo. Where have we come to. *sigh*
April 7, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Got your point Quirky Indian.
WRT Or the fact that so many feel that Kasab does not deserve adequate legal representation and a fair trial.
What they don’t understand is if today Kasab is hanged without trial, then the same government will be empowered, tomorrow, to hang any other citizen without trial too.
Can’t find a terrorist, catch any body and hang them.
No government should be allowed to get away with so much (or any) unaccountability.
April 8, 2009 at 1:33 am
Considering that we as a country are so much more acceptable of and open about farting in public, it especially does not make sense to invoke the NSA, even if the farting was only verbal.
April 8, 2009 at 3:33 pm
world’s two greatest democracies think alike! LOL
April 9, 2009 at 1:27 pm
@Charakan: I thought my answer was very clear. Not only was it the wrong thing to say, he also broke the law by saying it. But it was still verbal farting, nothing else, and something that certainly did not deserve the NSA. Just like the verbal farts of D Srinivas and Laloo Yadav do not deserve either too much attention, or the NSA.
@Pal: Welcome back. How was the holiday? And thanks!
@Nam: We love over-reacting. 🙂
@IHM: Exactly! And most of us don’t realise how easily we’re being conned. See where we’re at right now: there have been demands that Srinivas and Lalu be booked under the NSA for their statements. If that does happen, you’ve just strengthened a very wrong precedent and done tremendous harm to democracy. If it doesn’t, you reinforce the impression that Varun is a victim of a political conspiracy and that will add to the polarisation. In both cases, the democratic and civil fabric of the country suffers. Whatever happens, WE still lose!
@D: Thanks. As I already mentioned, total over-reaction!
@Chirag: 🙂
April 9, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Thank you Quirky for saying Varun’s speech was wrong. Confusion rose because you were comparing a deliberate and un lawful hate speech with farting which is not deliberate or against the law. For a moment I thought you were trivialising that speech. Sorry
April 9, 2009 at 6:53 pm
I was almost scared to open the blog…
is it real?
no waysss
April 10, 2009 at 9:32 pm
If the boy had farted (and burped) in India his mother would have been proud for feeding her lil babu well.
April 16, 2009 at 3:42 am
LOL this was funny!
I guess in the land of insanity.. umm sanity is a quirk surely? 🙂
May 30, 2009 at 1:15 am
hahaha! hilarious!! i just stumbled across your blog. wonderful stuff!
November 2, 2009 at 4:46 pm
[…] with my wife and lot of work, haven’t written anything worthwhile (as if I did earlier), so Quirky’s post made me bring back this post that I wrote three years […]